Sex is the act that bonds. It is not only a physical union, but also a chemical bond when oxytocin is released during orgasm. Oxytocin is the same drug that bonds newborns to their moms during childbirth and breastfeeding, so it’s no wonder the difficulties we face when trying to move on from past lovers.
If sex is such an important part of relationships, then why do so many marriages end up sexless? Sadly, I know very few people who are in relationships that are sexually healthy.
So, if a surplus of marriages are sexless then why aren’t we talking about it? Even more perplexing is why aren’t we doing something more to fix it?
Although I’ve never been in a sexless marriage, I was in a marriage that lacked #sexualspark.
After 10 years together, we routinely has sex once a week. It became almost robotic.
Although I still find myself single, moving forward I vow to make the sexual health of my relationship a top priority. The relationship of a husband and wife is the foundation of the family unit. If the marriage is sexless the foundation will begin to crumble.
In doing my research and talking to friends who do have healthy sexual relationships, I’ve found some common solutions:
- The first is location, location, location! Having sex in the same location can lead to the exact same kind of sex. BORING! I learned first hand with sexual partners that when the sex was less than desired, changing the location gave a huge boost to the passion and overall satisfaction of the encounter.
- Spontaneity is another way to boost sexual encounters. On a recent camping trip with friends, Tabitha shared that she and her husband, after 20+ years of marriage, have a very healthy and active sex life. They take advantage of spontaneity and also location, by having sex in risque places such as in a couple’s massage room, post massage of coarse! Keeping your sexual encounters to just your home can get boring and monotonous after many years of marriage. How many places in your home actually feel new and exciting after years? Not many. So, take advantage of safe, yet risky places that will spike your sexual arousal.
- Set the stage for great sex. When I’m in a relationship, I like to create catalysts that I know will lead to arousing sexual encounters. For example, having a fire lit in the winter with a blanket in front. Or, wearing an apron and surprising your loved one with nothing underneath. Date nights are also a great way to increase the likelihood of sexual encounters.
In the end, if you are truly so busy that sex seems to be left at the wayside, then plan a night where you and your partner will commit to having sex. Start foreplay early in the day by telling each other what you want to do to each other or what you want your partner to do to you. Create anticipation and excitement through texts, notes, or purchases at the nearby adult store.
I believe we are choosing what we are not changing. So, if you’re truly unsatisfied with your sex life, or you’re in a sexless marriage, there are many things you can do to change your situation.
Only YOU have the power to make a change, so take the first step and try something new today with your partner that will increase your sexual appetites for one another.